I am writing this at the nadir of the year. I’ve chosen today to launch this project for many of the same reason that I’d start a project on a new moon: this is a time of beginnings. Because of the magnitude of this project, the winter solstice seemed much more appropriate than a new moon. “The magnitude” you ask? Yes, because this project is not simply a weblog. This blog is only a sign of an agreement that I’ve made with myself; it is a companion to the paper journal that sits on my night stand. This one keeps me accountable to friends and strangers alike.
why I am here?
You might say that when I was younger, I made some mistakes, realized it, and decided to fix them. Let me expand. When I was younger, I made some mistakes, as all young people do. It’s the only way to really learn. At the same time, I realized that I was dreadfully unhappy, and I began a lot of soul-searching. The last five years have seen me go through a lot of intentional transformation. I’ve learned a lot about what I need to be happy in life, I learned a lot about goal setting and the steps that need to happen in order to achieve goals. It was amazing to me how quickly, when I started living intentionally, my life came back on track, my stress levels dropped, bouts of depression seemed to disappear, health issues cleared up, and I was just generally happy. In a lot of ways, it sounds like I accomplished then what I’m doing now, and I really thought that I had conquered the world for about a year.
Then, I entered my first Saturn Return.
For those of you who are younger than twenty-eight, you won’t know what I’m talking about. But for those of you who have hit the end of your third decade of life, you have likely experienced some sudden, expected or unexpected upheaval or change that trips up your sure footing. My Saturn Return coincided with the achievement of many of my goals. Suddenly, everything about my life was going right, and all of it required change: career, home, family. All of it good, but all of it a bit stressful. It was a trying period. Achieving those goals made me take a long hard look at where I’d put myself and what was expected of me now, both by myself and other people, and then asking myself if that was really what I wanted.
Unexpected opportunities pop up to trouble the choices. It is utterly draining and rewarding chaos. You pass through the fire and you come out a new person, both the same and utterly different.
why this blog then?
This blog if how I intend to sort through the chaos of life after my first Saturn Return. I find that some days I’m still trying to digest the lessons that I received during that period, even though I’m past it.
About twelve months to the day after Saturn returned to the place it was in the sky at the moment of my birth, I realized that I had let go of intentionality. Not intentionally, naturally. Life had been going so well that I had simply let go and started to enjoy the ride, but I noticed that a lot of the things that I wanted to do weren’t getting done. I realized that life is an active process, and I need to be involved if I’m going to live and not just exist.
Creating this blog is making a commitment to myself: to realize what I want, to state it and my goals, and to tell the story of how I live it. This is about accountability to myself and to you. I hope you’ll join me on my journey.